Enduring the Unendurable

There’s nothing I can do. Her pain is excruciating. In chopped words between screams she tells me it’s like an electric current coursing down the left side of her face to the center of her chin. 

We have no idea what it is, or what’s doing it. It gives her no choice but to bear it.

“Please pray. Pray out loud, so I can hear you.”

She knows me too well. She knows how I struggle with words to express inner thoughts in prayer. Nonetheless, I press on: God. Father. Why is this happening? Hasn’t she suffered enough? What possible good can come of putting her through this agony? Please Lord, take away this pain. Give her some relief. Help me to know what I can do for her. My helplessness makes her pain unbearable for me.

We call her neurologist the next day. Trigeminal neuralgia, he calls it, and speaks like it’s an easy fix. A prescription promises relief, but after a season, the pain returns with its familiar vengeance. 

These on-again, off-again nerve attacks persist for years, overlaying her slowly progressing paralysis. My prayers, sometimes quietly seething with anger and sometimes loudly pleading, turn to the psalmist for words I make my own: 

How long, O Lord? Will you forget her forever? How long will you hide your face from her pain? How long must I be without help nor hope in my heart? (Adapted from Psalm 13).

With each attack, Elizabeth pushes through the pain and recovers to a new normal as it subsides. As it does, remnants of each attack jab her with occasional reminders that our enemy is still there. 

How long shall my enemy rule over me? Take a good, hard look at me and answer me, O Lord my God; light up my eyes, lest my depression take me to the sleep of death, lest this enemy prevails and those who know me see how I am shaken. (Adapted from Psalm 13)

God doesn’t abandon us. Though we lose hope in Him, we are not without help. He knows what it is to be forsaken. The greater our burden, the more we fathom His love for us.

Lord, I have trusted in your steadfast love; my heart shall rejoice in your salvation. I will sing praises to you Lord because you have been good to me. (Adapted from Psalm 13)

Meditation:

“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light” (Matthew 11:28-30 ESV).

Question:

Helplessness and suffering can be terrible burdens to bear. In what ways can turning to Jesus make the burden light? 

Does knowing there’s a purpose in suffering make the burden light? 

Read: James 1:2-4; Romans 5:3-5